Shelach-Lecha
Numbers 12:1 - 15:41
As we read this week’s Torah portion we are sometimes overcome by a feeling of sadness. Freed from Egypt, in possession of the Tablets containing the commandments, with multiple examples of “god being with us” in the desert, when prompted to get ready for the conquest of the Promised Land Israel suffers a failure of nerve. It misses the one chance to move forward and by doing so condemns itself to 40 years of wandering. The next chance to enter the land will not come until a generation born in slavery dies and one bred in freedom is ready to take the torch and realize the promise. The spies are sent to scout out the land and- filled with their own insecurities- every challenge they discover seems insurmountable. “We looked like grasshoppers to ourselves, and so we must have looked to them.” (Num.13:33) Menahem Mendel of Kotzk imagines God’s response, “Why are you so concerned about how you look in the eyes of the Canaanites, to the point that it distracts you from your sacred task?” How did the Israelites know what others thought of them? In fact later in the same portion we learn that the Moabites feared us, and the Haftarah text, from the Book of Joshuah, tells us that the inhabitants of Jericho saw in us a real threat. But reality doesn’t matter when your self esteem is lacking. Self perception clouds the judgments we make of others. It is no wonder that Martin Buber interpreted the biblical verse “love your neighbor as yourself” as teaching that we could not possibly love another if we didn’t love ourselves, not in an egocentric way but as members of a whole that is much larger than the individual “I”.
It is interesting to note that Israel’s failure, just as Moses’ failure, when he strikes the rock to bring water, are characterized as “lack of faith.” There is, indeed, a connection between self-esteem and faith. When we see ourselves as being weak we often posit a God concept that cannot possibly fulfill our expectations and we try to force God’s hand. We hang by a thread to a faith that cannot sustain us -not because God is not real, but because we don’t trust ourselves enough to allow God’s reality to manifest itself in our lives. When we reach a healthy understanding of ourselves and our role in the world we begin to discover a Presence that propels us forward, and Order that invites us to expand and explore. It is only when we have a healthy self respect that we can pursue, in the Kotzker’s words, our sacred tasks.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Roberto D. Graetz
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